just survived the first fart of the relationship.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
