Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
