we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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