i'm signing you up for texting rehab
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
