Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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