Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
