I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
