Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize