i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
