Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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