she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
