So drunk its hurt
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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