good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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