Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
