just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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