we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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