Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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