You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Fuck appropriateness.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
