Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
high people should be assigned attendants
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
