No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
