there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
