don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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