So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
