Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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