Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
