Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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