it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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