I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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