You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
