My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize
