my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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