glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
