What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
