i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
