real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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