3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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