just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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