If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
