Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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