So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
All I want is dick and wine.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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