Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
