you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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