At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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