I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
