i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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