he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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