So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
