was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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