Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
