I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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