um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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