don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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