He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I need to align my fucking chakras
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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