My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
