we have pet lesbian snakes
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
