god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You are the jesus of drinking
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
