i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
