I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
