Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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