Define "chronic" masturbator.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
