We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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