i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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