Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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