On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Everclear isn't food dammit
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
