Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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