Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You've changed since you got that strap on
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
