You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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