Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
