I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
