Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
