I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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