Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize