No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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