He asked me if I "almost moaned"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I don't deserve a penis
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
