omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
