he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
