I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
