you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
